


In Simplest Terms

by okaydan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Phil Lester and Daniel Howell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 11:51:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16241045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaydan/pseuds/okaydan
Summary: Dan puts his feelings, and who he is, into simplest terms.





	In Simplest Terms

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is just a little thing I made. Enjoy some cute best friend / ambiguous cuddling.
> 
> I do not claim this is the truth, this is merely a fictional story. 
> 
> Enjoy!!!!!!!! :)

_“Phil.” Dan takes a deep breath in and lets it tumble back out between his parched lips unevenly. “I’m gay.”_

_Phil looks at him, his deep blue eyes filed with earnestness, and care. “Wow Dan, that took a lot of courage for you to say. Thank you for trusting me. Do you want to talk about anything i-”_

Dan shakes the mental scenario from his head vigorously, cringing at the uncomfortable scene his mind’s eye had conjured. 

He sighs, pushing away from the desk in front of him and pulls himself up from the swivelling office chair beneath him. He crosses the room to the door, completely lost in thought as he steps through the white-trim frame and immediately collides with his flatmate, and current source of stress, Phil. 

“Oh shit- hi Dan!” Phil giggles, stumbling back slightly from the unexpected impact with the taller man. 

Dan blinks at Phil blankly. “H-hey. Sorry man.” Dan mentally curses himself as he hears the words that free-fall from his mouth. “I- my bad, Phil.. Sorry-s-sorry.” 

“It’s fine... Are you, like, good?” Phil asks, his brow furrowing behind his overlarge glasses. 

Dan gulps. A queasy, tightlipped smile splits across his face; “Mhmm!” his head bobs aggressively. 

“Okay, just checking in...” Phil doesn’t even attempt to look convinced, but he thankfullydecides not to press the issue. Dan silently applaudes any Gods that may be tuned into his stream of consciousness.

“Can I just get-“ Phil points at the office behind Dan’s back. _Their_ office. Dan mentally smacks himself, not for the first time today. He steps aside wordlessly though, something, he thinks at least, is the only normal thing he’s managed to complete this entire interaction. 

Dan clears his throat as Phil steps past him into the room. It really didn’t need to be cleared. “I’m going to make some tea. Want some?”

“Yeah sure actually!” Phil agrees, sliding into the office chair beside Dan’s. Settling into the black pleather chair, the elder allows his pale, nimble fingers to dance over the keyboard keys in front of him with practiced ease. Dan realizes he’s staring when he glances up and his, probably glossy, eyes are met by Phil’s piercing blue ones. _Fucking shit._

“Seriously, are you okay?” Phil asks, not unkindly. 

Dan sighs, rubbing hard at the nape of his neck.“Yeah I.....” His voice trails off quietly. 

“Yes...?” Phil pushes, concern growing in his voice. 

“I’m just really fucking tired.” Dan is only slightly shocked when he realizes how true this statement actually is. He thinks back to the last few restless nights he’s endured, mentally kicking himself yet again this afternoon. 

Phil still looks concerned, but gives an understanding look. _Does he know?_ “Why don’t you take a nap, Dan? We’ll film later!”

Right. They’re supposed to be filming right now. Dan nods slowly, seizing the opportunity to abandon this situation and return to the tumultuous cyclone of his thoughts. “A nap sounds like a good idea. Come wake me if I’m not up by the time we should start filming?” Dan’s uncharacteristically squeaky voice sounds incredibly far away.

Phil nods with a warm look, before turning back to the monitor in front of him. 

Dan ducks away from the doorframe, and shuffles hurriedly down the beige-covered hallway. _You really just should have told him._ A nasally voice in his head nags at him as he urges himself away from the office. Away from Phil.

_Probably best you didn’t tell him. He probably would’ve thought you were hitting on him or something. Like you walked into him on purpose. You probably did walk into him on purpose, subconsciously. Fucking perv._

Dan recognizes a fleeting query of _how does walking into somebody equates to them being a perv?_ flash across his mind; but the thoughts that are bouncing around his skull don’t seem to want to let this question interrupt the tirade. 

He snaps back into reality with a cup of lightly steaming tea in his hand as he crosses the flat to his bedroom door. 

-

_“Phil… I’m gay.” Dan’s voice is neutral and forcibly collected._  

_Phil is visibly uneasy. “Okay…” He shrugs._

_Dan remains passive. “Is that a problem?”_

_“I guess not.” Phil shuffles in the brown armchair. Dan doesn’t recognize it. He doesn’t recognize anything in the room besides Phil. He questions if he recognizes Phil._

_“Are you sure?” Why can’t Dan bring emotion to his voice?_

_“It’s just kinda weird you know?” Phil is looking everywhere but the boy standing above him. “I like, live with you, you know? Its just weird…”_

_Dan nods; that makes perfect sense. He’s surprised when tears don’t prick his eyes and tumble in fat drops down his rosy cheeks. He feels as though they should._

_Dan decides he definitely doesn’t recognize Phil._

_-_

Dan’s cheeks are wet when he jolts awake. He doesn’t really question it, as the images from his dream are still swirling around his over-worked brain. 

A gentle knock echoes from the door on the other side of his room. Dan doesn’t have time to react before Phil’s poking his head into the room. 

“Oh!” He says cheerfully, “You’re awake! I was just coming to get you to see if you wanted to film in like an hour or s- Hey, woah, are you crying?” Phil’s voice drops into a low, impossibly gentle tone. 

The pads of Dan’s fingers dab at his cheeks, “Am I?” He asks, his dumb facade is scarily uncrackable. “Huh. Must’ve had a sad dream or something.”

Phil looks as though he wants to cross the room and pull Dan into his arms. Dan is almost disappointed he doesn’t. “Do you not remember it?”

Dan shakes his head with a small shrug. Phil lets out a small noise; a cross between a small coo and a sad tut. 

“Do you want to film? Are you okay with that? We really don’t have to if you aren’t up to it.” Phil asks, without a single drop of pressure or disappointment traceable in his voice. Dan likes that; how Phil always puts him and his needs first. He hopes Phil knows Dan would do the same for him in a heartbeat. 

Dan nods vigorously. “Yeah, I’m totally good. Like I said, I don’t even remember it.” He reckons slipping into his on-screen persona might be good for him; it always leaves him feeling slightly elated and buzzing with adrenaline. 

-

Dan and Phil are perfectly in character for the entire video. Dan finds himself screaming far too loudly, but is too lost in the moment to bring himself to care, and Phil giggles behind his hands at Dan’s exuberant turbulence. He shushes him without conviction, and Dan puts his face far too close to the camera’s lens to be flattering. It’s amazingly comforting.

- 

Dan’s head feels quieter; the weight of his stress is still pushing his shoulders down, but at least the nagging, nasally voice has taken a break. For now anyways. 

He bustles around the apartment absentmindedly, fixing himself a ribena, accompanied with a steaming bag of freshly microwaved popcorn. He hums happily to himself, shovelling a handful of the hot treat into his mouth. 

He slides into the lounge, dipping into the sofa that has moulded itself around his slouched form after hundreds of hours being pressed against the cushion. He sighs into his drink, and pulls his laptop from the coffee table into his lap. 

“Hey!” Phil’s cheerful voice tugs Dan from lapsing into the pitfall of his thoughts. “That went so well.” 

Dan smiled, elating with the praise. “Yeah. They’ll like it.” His eyes twinkle, thinking of the fans reactions when the video gets released. Their audience thrives off the banter of Dan and his flatmate. Dan understands where they’re coming from; his and Phils’ onscreen personas are as intoxicating as enigmatic. Dan loves that about them.

“Whatcha doin?” Phil asks, occupying the space on the sofa beside Dan as though he belongs nowhere else. 

Dan is thankful when the voice that escapes him is levelled and controlled. “Just catching up with social media. Apparently Kanye changed his name to ‘Ye.’ Its hilarious and so great.”

Phil’s face erupts in a grin; “Yeah. Did you see Lana ripped him a new one for wearing a‘MAGA’ hat?” 

Dan snorts, surprising himself, “I didn’t even see he was wearing a MAGA hat to begin with.” He pauses, “I’m not shocked though. Kanye’s… Something else you could say. I like the guy’s music, and I appreciate him as an artist, I just don’t think I agree with him as a person.”

Phil hums in agreement, a familiar action when his best friend delves into these rants; forming conclusions as he speaks, his mind churning a mile a minute. Phil loves just watching Dan as he lets the thoughts tumble around his mind. 

“But maybe its all an act? I dunno…., Maybe thats the point. Maybe were not to know. And this is just a whole scheme; keep us talking about him; all press is good press; that kind of thing." 

The elder nods in agreement, chewing on Dan’s theories. “Probably. It’s not a bad idea. And really, its Kanye. Its not like he’s going to loose anything. He’s always been controversial and everybody knows it. Its low-key always been his thing.” 

Dan wrinkles his noise. “Did you just say ‘lowkey’?” 

“Yeah, so?”

The younger shakes his head, grinning wildly. 

“Whaat!” Phil whines, poking his tongue between his teeth as his thin face splits in a light-hearted smile.

“You’re such an oddball” Dan can’t even muster bringing fake annoyance to his words. 

Phil swats at him playfully, and the two fall into an comfortable silence. 

Dan watches wordlessly as Phil pulls his own laptop onto his lap, and begins scrolling through his own media feeds.  

Dan feels the words on his lips before his brain has time to stop them. “Hey, can I tell you something?” 

“Uhh, yeah?” Phil answers, evidently thrown off by Dan’s decision to ask him for permission.

Dan exhales and lets the words loose into the air before he has a chance to catch them and reign them back in. To choke them back down his throat, never to be regurgitated again. But they were gone, already dissipating in the lounge air before he fully registers they’ve escaped.

Phil doesn’t even blink. “Uhh, yeah?” He repeats, almost dumbly. 

“Phil, I said that I’m gay.”

“I heard you. Why are you, uh, making this statement?”

Dan’s head spins and he feels the acidic burn of bile creeping up his throat. “I don’t know. Sorry; I’m sorry…”

“No, Dan.” Phil’s hand is around his wrist pulling his flat mate back to the sofa. Dan didn’t realize he had begun to stand up in the first place. “I’m just confused I guess.”

Dan blinks. 

“You were literally telling me last week how you wanted to lick Tom Holland’s abs.”

And he had.

-

Him and Phil were snuggled familiarly onto the couch, the flashing television the solitary source of light in their London home. 

“Mmm.” Dan sighed, nuzzling the crown of his head into his best friend’s bicep. “Look at Tom Holland’s fucking abs. Ugh.” He muses dreamily. “Absolutely lickable.” 

Phil chuckles in agreement. “He’s like 21 though. A little young for you my friend.”

The brunet pouts comically. “Hush. Let a man dream.”

-

“So like, I’m just confused because like, yeah, I know?” Phil says, a thick aura of worry coming off him. Dan wonders if he’s scared he’s saying the wrong thing. Dan concludes thats exactly what Phil’s worrying himself over. Dan also concludes that Phil’s also a saint. And an angel. _Is there a difference?_

“So you aren’t mad?” The younger deadpans, his voice deeper than normal for him. 

Phil laughs. He shakes his head. He looks at Dan; an incredulous look etched on his pale face.  “You’re an idiot. No. I’m not mad. Not even close.” 

Dan sighs and lets himself fall into his flatmate’s shoulder. Phil shuffles slightly, getting in a position where his best friend can get more comfortable. 

Dan finds himself laughing lightly, a liberating elation washing over his hunched form. “I realized I never properly told somebody. I’ve been feeling like I absolutely have to lately." 

The older sighs, and snakes his fingers through Dan’s fluffy brown hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. “I get that. Was that your first time coming out then?”

“Yeah. I mean I guess so. Like my first time as real, proper, formal coming out. Really putting it out there in simplest terms. Nothing metaphorical.”

Phil smiles, letting his gaze trail across his flatmate’s relaxed form. “Question for you, then.” 

Dan’s brown eyes snap to meet Phil’s piercingly blue ones. His eyebrows cock upwards, urging Phil to continue on.

“Would it make you feel better if I formally come out too then? Put my bisexuality out there in simplest terms?”


End file.
